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Old 11-03-2007, 06:06 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default RANT: Sports parents!!!

OK, gotta get this off my chest.

I am a skating and defensive coach for a local junior hockey team. The ages are 10-14 but there can be an exemption for an 8 or 9 year old to play at that level if they can handle it (usually they are torching the pee-wee league).

The head coach retires after this year and I'll probably get the job. In fact we are transitioning this year (I am head coach for every other game).

We have this kid, he's 13, who is a top scorer but doesn't play defense worth a lick. Its not that he doesn't have the skills, he just doesn't bother (like a lot of other players that age).

We're up 4-1 and he blows his defensive assignment but somehow fires a seeing eye shot past the goaltender and we're up 5-1 in the 2nd. I tell him he missed the assignment and he responds "Who give a f--- I scored."

I stapled his butt to the bench for the rest of the game. After the game his father comes up to me to ask what the deal was. I tell him he had missed his defensive assignment and that was a trend I wanted to stop and the bench seems to be the only way some players get the message.

The father was irate, he said "who gives a f---, he scored two goals." He went on to threaten to sue me because I was risking his sons professional career.

I was trying not to chuckle at this point but his father could detect my humor and he asked what was funny and I told him that I had once been a low-level NHL prospect and his son wasn't anywhere near that level yet, that it wouldn't be until 15 or 16 before most scouts would look at him. His response was that just because I flamed out of the NHL doesn't mean I should blow it for his son.

I made sure everyone heard when I said "If your son doesn't learn how to play two-way hockey now he won't be able to pick it up when scouts do look at him."

This guy was going bananas at this point and I told him to go home and we could talk tomorrow or later on when he cooled off. He walked away saying "burned out Toronto prospect doesn't know nothing." I couldn't help myself and yelled back: "I washed out of Montreal, not Toronto, Quebec, not Ontario, get it right if you want to make fun of me."

Anyone else there encounter this stuff. Not real happy with this. To be fair, the kid isn't an NHL prospect, if he becomes one he will be a late bloomer. I don't want to pi$$ on anyone's dreams and Lord knows I've been wrong before, but he's only tearing up the league because he's already had his growth spurt, when he gets to the next level they'll all be 5'10" to 6'2" and 180 pounds and he'll go back to being a line 3 player.

I know 13 year olds don't like defense... I'm 30 and I still don't like it. Makes me wonder if the few bucks they are throwing me for this is really worth it.
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Old 11-03-2007, 06:44 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Cocky, disrespectful kids and overbearing, abusive parents with unrealistic expectations are an epidemic in youth sports today. Largely the reason I got out of coaching. As much as I liked the teaching part, the stuff that goes with it wasn't worth the headaches.
In your case, like father, like son. Dad drops the F bomb, kid thinks it's OK, too.
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Old 11-03-2007, 07:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I work in a special ed school and kick kids out of class all the time for cursing at me. He deserved that lesson to begin with.

I coached my son's T-Ball team about 8 years ago and we had a dad (from another team we played) who was a cop with a bulldog attitude and filthy mouth, his son was the same. As the 5 year olds would run the bases, his son would try to trip or push them from his infield position. The next year his son, all of six, was banned from the school bus because of his behavior.

Just had to share

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Old 11-03-2007, 09:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I would make the same comment as Vinny about this filthy mouth. I would sit his butt right on the bench just for the f bombs. His dad can bitch and moan all he wants but these are young kids... if he's like this now imagine his attitude in another couple years. I would assume he has a choice of what team he wants to be on so if he or his dad dont like your rules, they can go elsewhere. I guess you didnt mention your real job?????

Just a short about attitudes. In my paper this AM a short article about the Carolina Panthers and in particular rooke WR Dwayne Jarrett from USC. They mentioned how highly the Panthers thought of him to draft him in the second round but so far he has been a bust. Has 1 catch all year. Reporters were gathered around his locker asking him questions when his locker neighbor Steve Smith comes up, looks at the circus and tells him dont you think your time would be better spent watching film, and he walked away. Enough said.

Keep on coaching the kids to play the right way!
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Old 11-03-2007, 09:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I coach LL baseball. Our league will not put up with these kinds of parents. If we have any problems with parents or kids we have a player rep that we contact. If the parents don't act right they can be banned from the field.
I had a nightmare group of parents last year and made several calls to the Player Rep. Almost made me decide to not coach anymore. At the end of the season, I had a player from an opposing team tell me that he wanted to be on my team next year and it made my whole season. I also was told by many opposing teams parents what a great job that I did with the group of parents that I had to work with. Now I can't wait until it starts again.
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Old 11-03-2007, 09:36 PM   #6 (permalink)
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It kills me that the guy thinks I'm trying to hold his son back. I have one kid, one out of 32 that I deal with that might have a prayer of getting there, and its hard to tell because he's an 8 year old defenseman who I routinely have to sit for temper tantrums.

Back when I was playing, being a good skater helped a lot because there weren't that many, now they all can skate. The 16 year old version of me wouldn't have been a prospect now, and to be honest I might not have even gotten a look had my grandfather and father not played in the Montreal system. (Neither of them made the league or had cards, my dad went and player in the Russian Superleague for a few years in the 70s).

I can't say I know what it takes to get there, it was 15 years ago for me now. One of my friends, Mike, spent 12 years in the minors and is playing the Superleague now because he couldn't crack the Toronto Marlies.

Anyway, as an update the father called to chew me out some more and I hung up on him. He called back and was even more ridiculous. I asked him to put his wife on the phone... and let her know that her son was suspended until further notice. Go ahead and sue me, make my friggin day.
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Old 11-03-2007, 09:41 PM   #7 (permalink)
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KMD, you might be back at work sooner than you thought representing yourself! haha
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Old 11-03-2007, 09:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I coach middle school basketball here. 6th, 7th, & 8th graders. I have been doing it for 5 years now and this is my 2nd year as the 8th grade coach.

The kids aren't usually too bad, but the parents are TERRIBLE

I don't remember my parents ever saying something to a coach after a game, but here and everywhere around here it is an epedimic.

Just my 2 cents.
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Old 11-03-2007, 10:22 PM   #9 (permalink)
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KMD, you might be back at work sooner than you thought representing yourself! haha
I'll be back to work either way. Going solo, gonna pick up one more contract, save a bunch of money (no wax for a while), and then go for it.
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Old 11-04-2007, 01:06 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default sport parents

I coached high school girls golf and now currently coach high school boys golf in the spring and girls basketball in about a week.

Sitting the kid for dropping the f-bomb was dead on. Big shock the old man used one when he started jawing with you.

As far as the parents in general, I know that come March I will have weathered numberous parental letters, confrontations or emails.

It now comes with the territory. Doenst matter where you live or the sport you coach. Girls basketball in our area is real tough. Five new coaches in an eight team conference. Four of the five left simply because they had enough.

Dont be afraid to come on the board and vent a bit. Good for the soul. If you have a style, a system or a belief about the sport you coach---stick to it and be consistent in your approach.

Take care.

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Old 11-04-2007, 10:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
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KD your right. I can't stand bad attitudes nor bad language. I can handle a slip of the tongue if the individual quickly recognizes by themselves it "slipped." Given what you've said..its no wonder he acts that way....apple never falls far from the tree. Keep up the good work, I'm sure theres more than one on your team that appreciates the effort......then again, maybe they're to young to realize it..but they will!
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Old 11-04-2007, 02:15 PM   #12 (permalink)
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I can't say too much because who knows how I would act if I had kids and they were in sports. It must be some powerful stuff, seeing your kid play. Does anyone here have kids that play? Is there a temptation to yell at the "idiot" coach?

One of the best players on my first street hockey team was a former soccer player. Sometimes we would carpool together to the games. One time, I could only get a ride with him if I went to his eight-year-old's soccer game first. Despite all the signs and paperwork that said not to yell at the kids during the game, it's all he did.

I can summarize it like this: STOP LIVING VICARIOUSLY THROUGH YOUR CHILDREN or as George Carlin said, you have a CHILD FETISH. Heh. I love George.

KD, you realize you may be eating humble pie when Kara or Melanie are playing peewee hockey in five years. Or maybe you'll set a good example. Or maybe you'll bypass the whole thing by being the coach!

www.nocussing.com to me is as bad as the kids cussing. I agree it's disrespectful of the kid to KD, but it's because of his intent and tone more than the actual words he chose.
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Old 11-04-2007, 02:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
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KD, you realize you may be eating humble pie when Kara or Melanie are playing peewee hockey in five years. Or maybe you'll set a good example. Or maybe you'll bypass the whole thing by being the coach!

www.nocussing.com to me is as bad as the kids cussing. I agree it's disrespectful of the kid to KD, but it's because of his intent and tone more than the actual words he chose.
This might be sexist but with the injuries I've gotten from playing hockey I'm not so sure I want to even watch them play in the pee-wee league.

I had a lousy temper back when I played, but I wouldn't of dreamed of cursing at the coach. It helped that he was 6'5" and looked like the guy with a nail in his head from Happy Gilmore, but I know Mom would have made me eat soap for that.

Update, the mother called me back and made the kid apologize. I let him know he was suspended for one game and then he could come back. Then he asked if he had to come to practice and I was like, "yup."
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Old 11-04-2007, 02:40 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Glad to hear the mother had some sense but I bet the father is still at home steaming!
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Old 11-04-2007, 03:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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No sex for him tonight!
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Old 12-08-2007, 10:41 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Well guys, I tendered my resignation tonight. I was supposed to take over as head coach next season but I couldn't take any more. A few parents were grumbling about the defensive style I had put in place when I "unofficially" became head coach.

They had a team parent meeting and came to the conclusion that I was coaching the fun out of the game and more importantly that by emphasizing defense that I was making it less likely for their children to be seen by college and NHL scouts.

The athletic director of the school (which will remain nameless) came to me with the complaint and I resigned.

Head coach for less than two months, the team was 11-0-1 because of steady goaltending and good technical hockey, the better players were scoring more often because they were taking advantage of defensive lapses on the other side but the lesser players weren't scoring (it was a couple of those parents that started this) because they weren't playing proper defense.

I already got a call from a prep school in Philadelphia asking if I was interested in coming in as a defensive coach next fall. I told them I'd think about it. I got a call from a few parents asking me to reconsider. One knucklehead called and said I'd be welcome back if I would teach offensive oriented hockey and wouldn't hold his son back from his destiny as an NHL player. At this point I'd had it and said "Your son will see plenty of NHL action if he buys tickets, but there is no way he gets past the high school level."

Probably shouldn't of said that. I don't think the assessment is wrong, but probably should have let him blather.

...well at least I have some free time to do OPC and my real job as an attorney is keeping me busy enough.
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Old 12-08-2007, 10:56 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Sorry to hear this KMD. I hope you take the prep coaching job. Sounds like this is your calling, and something you are very passionate about. Good luck with your decision.

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Old 12-09-2007, 09:07 AM   #18 (permalink)
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My oldest son plays baseball and basketball. We have been fortunate enough to have really good coaches so far. Regardless, Jackson would never and I mean EVER be able to disrespect his coach. If he ever talked or back much less cursed him, he would not be able to sit for a week. I don't worry about that because he's not at the age to do that just yet. He's 7. At his age, he will learn more at home in the backyard or driveway than he will at practice. I just want his coaches to encourage him. I don't care if they stick him in right field or on the bench just as long as he's smiling after the game.

I have heard and read a lot about abusive sports parents but have yet to encourter one. fingers crossed I never do.
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Old 12-09-2007, 09:52 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
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One knucklehead called and said I'd be welcome back if I would teach offensive oriented hockey and wouldn't hold his son back from his destiny as an NHL player. At this point I'd had it and said "Your son will see plenty of NHL action if he buys tickets, but there is no way he gets past the high school level."
Well I think thats hilarious, the guy probably has illusions of granduer about their kid. I just hope I can not have that problem when my kids get to sports age.

Seems your coaching style was a winning style KD and to some that is what matters.
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Old 12-11-2007, 10:12 PM   #20 (permalink)
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This gets goofier by the hour. I got a call from the athletic director asking me if I would consider coaching the team through the end of January so they could line up another coach. Apparently the tournament wasn't going to accept a parent as the coach of the team unless they were certified.

I told him I'd let him know in a couple of days. I've gotten a steady stream of calls from the parents asking me to come back. It runs the gamit from the mother who's son can't stop crying about missing the tournament to the parent who is upset that I would bail out on the team this close to a tournament.

I guess I'm a cream puff because I told them I'd coach through January and consider staying on if the crap stopped. No more parents at practice, they can wait in the car, and if I hear a peep about blue line to blue line drills I'm gone.

I made each player sign a contract with me that they would work as hard on defense and offense and they would not gripe during defensive drills. They all signed. I dismissed the team and told them to have a good holiday, when they come back in January, we're going to work.
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:03 PM   #21 (permalink)
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just got these in the mail today so i thought i would share. the motto at my house is "they can't win if they don't score" my son on the left is 8 and actually plays defense better than any other position but he prefers to play center because he can just chase the puck and the coaches don't yell at him for being in the wrong spot on the ice. my son on the right is 4 and plays with 7-8 year olds and absolutely loves hockey. he has put on a complete set of goalie equipment in the middle of summer and walked around the neighborhood looking for people to play. his big thing now is he wants to be a big boy and play peewee so he can "punch someone in the face". i think he may change his tune when he realizes that the big boys punch back




sorry for hijacking your thread kd
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:15 PM   #22 (permalink)
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Brian,

You should get your younger son a 1 piece composite stick......LOL Looks like the stick is bottom heavy from the picture
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Old 12-12-2007, 10:00 AM   #23 (permalink)
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KMD,
for what its worth, you can coach my kid any day. We don't have ice hockey down here but our baseball park does have a roller hockey league that is almost as popular as the baseball league. I wonder if my son would enjoy that? Probably, but I bet my wallet would not..
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Old 12-13-2007, 12:06 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I'm not sure what hurts more Marty, blacktop or ice.

BrianEnnis, you can hijack my thread anytime bragging about your kids. Its the provenance of all fathers. I'm sure I'll annoy you all bragging about my little ones too as they grow up. Not sure if I'm ready to hand Kara a stick yet, but she skates pretty well for a 2 1/2 year old and likes knocking the other kids over... not sure where she gets that from.
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Old 12-29-2007, 06:13 PM   #25 (permalink)
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I made each player sign a contract with me that they would work as hard on defense and offense and they would not gripe during defensive drills. They all signed. I dismissed the team and told them to have a good holiday, when they come back in January, we're going to work.
The hits just keep on coming. I scheduled my team for a New Year's weekend tournament. We got there this morning, I had my laptop with me (which is how I checked the board) and was getting all the paperwork together.

We started game one of the tournament, and the opposing team asked to make an emergency substitution because both of their goaltenders had the flu. If I said no, they would have to forfeit, but I agreed (my guys need the ice time and that's no way to win) and they put in an eight year old player.

Our strategy is to go all out offense for 10 minutes, hopefully put 2 or more goals in, and then clamp down on defense for the rest of the game. We didn't change our strategy and in ten minutes we had taken a 4-0 lead.

Things were going swimmingly when one of my players scored another goal. He proceeded to take his glove off, point at the goalie, did a little dance and then laid down on the ice laughing.

Long story short, I called time out, yanked him off the ice and sent him to the locker room. After the game, I called all the parents that were there into the locker room and read the riot act. I let the team know that the player (same kid who cursed at me, the same kid!!!) who did that was suspended for the rest of the tournament and then I'd consider letting him return for the rest of the season.

I then let them know that if I ever saw anything like that again they were off the team, period.

Daddy comes up to me and wants me to let his son play again, so I tell him and his son to come with me. I walk them both over to the other locker room and made the kid apologize to the other player. Then I told them to go home and I'd call him when he could come back. His dad starts yelling at me about how much he was paying for the league etc.

I start walking away and the jerk grabs my shirt from behind. I turned around and said "There are two things every player on this team will learn, how to respect and an opponent and a teammate and how to play defense, and the first is more important than the second."

Dude probably would have clobbered me but Andre Karlson, the opposing coach who is about 6'5" and 280 walked over toward us and there was no doubt whose side he'd be on. Its nice to have large friends.

I sent a letter advising the player that he was kicked off the team and would need to look for another team to play for next season because he wasn't coming back.

Problem solved. Hopefully the rest of the season will go quietly. With all the stories about parents hurting and in some cases killing coaches, that made me nervous.

I've coached for years and have never dealt with anything like this before. Its pee-wee hockey for pete sake!
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