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Old 03-25-2012, 09:22 PM   #26 (permalink)
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So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:23 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Why did the man drop the soap?

Because he enjoyed being raped.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:24 PM   #28 (permalink)
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Roses are red, violets are blue
I've got Alzheimer's
cheese on toast
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:24 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says, “Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife’s house.”
The other man replies, “Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit.”
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:25 PM   #30 (permalink)
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what's pink and fluffy?

pink fluff
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:25 PM   #31 (permalink)
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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman?

Well it's not going to happen so I don't see the point in giving this a name.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:26 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Why did the woman perform oral sex on her husband?

Because it was his birthday.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:27 PM   #33 (permalink)
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How do you get a clown off of a swing?

Hit him with an axe
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:27 PM   #34 (permalink)
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why was the boy crying?

he was hit by a brick
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:27 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Where does a 500 lb. gorilla sit?

In its cage.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:27 PM   #36 (permalink)
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If life throws you melons, you might be dyslexic.
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James Cortellessa, retired air force, loving grandfather, father and husband,
and the best smartass around.
RIP PAPAJIM
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:28 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsfan8 View Post
why was the boy crying?

he was hit by a brick
My daughter came by, read this, and with a straight face said, "That isn't funny."
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:30 PM   #38 (permalink)
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What has ten fingers, two legs, two eyes, no wings, and flies?

A bum.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:31 PM   #39 (permalink)
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My daughter came by, read this, and with a straight face said, "That isn't funny."
glad i could make her day
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:41 PM   #40 (permalink)
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This has not worked for me today. Two hours and Nineteen minutes of possibility remain.

Quote:
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Why did the woman perform oral sex on her husband?

Because it was his birthday.
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:53 PM   #41 (permalink)
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women's rights
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:55 PM   #42 (permalink)
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107 plate autos so far: photobucket.com/plateautographs #BoLieve #$9.99 #WeThePeople #BetterDeadThanRed #SuplexRepeat #SuplexRepeat #SuplexRepeat
Collect Ra'Shede Hageman, Trevor Plouffe, Kennys Vargas, Twins Printing Plates
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:58 PM   #43 (permalink)
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the WNBA....
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:59 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunsfan8 View Post
the WNBA....
Officiating in the NBA
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:06 PM   #45 (permalink)
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How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?
-Purple, because blue has no ice cream.

Roses Are Grey.
Violets Are Grey.
Everything's Gray.
I'm a dog.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?
-To get to the other side.
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:08 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lambeauleap87 View Post
How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?
-Purple, because blue has no ice cream.

Roses Are Grey.
Violets Are Grey.
Everything's Gray.
I'm a dog.

How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?
-To get to the other side.
I forgot to laugh at the last one.
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:11 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Quote:
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I forgot to laugh at the last one.
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:20 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 37Jetson View Post
This has not worked for me today. Two hours and Nineteen minutes of possibility remain.
Good luck and happy birthday
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:22 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Where did the General keep his armies?

































































In his sleevies.
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:25 PM   #50 (permalink)
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You all are so freaking funny. I'm being dead serious there are so many gems in here.
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collecting Foles, Garoppolo and Mitchell
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