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Old 06-15-2012, 12:52 PM   #151 (permalink)
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There's two muffins in an oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says, "Man, we gotta get the hell outta here, or we'll burn to death!"
The other muffin looks over and says,

"HOLY CRAP............ a talking muffin
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Old 06-15-2012, 12:56 PM   #152 (permalink)
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Knock Knock

"Who's there"

A screaming person

"A screaming person who"

A screaming person in the street,......................... God what a horrible car wreck
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Old 06-15-2012, 12:57 PM   #153 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gritt81 View Post
There's two muffins in an oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says, "Man, we gotta get the hell outta here, or we'll burn to death!"
The other muffin looks over and says,

"HOLY CRAP............ a talking muffin
2 muffins are in an oven 1 says: "boy is it hot in here!" the other muffin says: "yeah about 300 maybe 350"
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Old 06-15-2012, 01:02 PM   #154 (permalink)
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So I was playing Skyrim, the dragon roared at me, I ignored it and carried on.

The beast, again, roared in a violent temper. Pissed off, I threw my controller down.

"Okay, I'll go and look for a job", I told her.
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Old 06-15-2012, 01:04 PM   #155 (permalink)
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so a man walks into a bar




he is an alcoholic and he is ruining his life
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Old 06-15-2012, 01:04 PM   #156 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mnvikingstwins View Post
Lmfao hahaha
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Old 06-15-2012, 01:07 PM   #157 (permalink)
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Two men walk into a bar. The first man orders a scotch and soda. The second man falls to the ground shaking violently from alcohol withdrawals.


He looks back up at the first man, but he doesn't call out to him. They're not that close.
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Old 06-15-2012, 01:46 PM   #158 (permalink)
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whats the difference between a feminist and a knife?

a knife has a point.

three men are at a bar and talking about how ugly their wives are. Two of the three men pull out photos and show them off and they are in shock about how bad they are looking. One guy says "thats nothing come over to my house, I have my wife locked up in the cellar she is so ugly" so the men go to this guys house and he opens up the cellar and says come on up honey and she says "should I wear the paper bag" and he says "no, I don't want to have sex with you I just want to show you off"
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Old 06-15-2012, 01:51 PM   #159 (permalink)
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Here's a clasic one

"Why can't Hellen Keller drive?"


Because she's a woman
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Old 06-15-2012, 01:55 PM   #160 (permalink)
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A baby seal walks into a club............sad
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Old 06-15-2012, 01:56 PM   #161 (permalink)
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Q: Why did the woman cross the road?

A: Who cares! Why the hell isn't she in the kitchen?
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Old 06-15-2012, 01:57 PM   #162 (permalink)
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why couldnt the butterflies go to the dance? because it was a moth ball
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Old 06-15-2012, 02:16 PM   #163 (permalink)
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How did the blond get an A on her test...............


By sleeping with her teacher..........


but then she contracted aids. The teacher was subsequently sentenced to 8 yrs in prision for having sex with a minor.
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Old 06-15-2012, 02:41 PM   #164 (permalink)
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What do you call a twelve year old prostitute in Thailand?

Past her prime.
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Old 06-15-2012, 03:46 PM   #165 (permalink)
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer.
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Old 06-15-2012, 03:48 PM   #166 (permalink)
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Why did the ugly boy screw the watermelon?

He had a good imagination.
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Old 06-15-2012, 04:02 PM   #167 (permalink)
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What did the man do when he cut off his arm..............




He bled to death.
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Old 06-15-2012, 04:05 PM   #168 (permalink)
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What do you call a man without a face?

A cannibal's victim.
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Old 06-15-2012, 05:01 PM   #169 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Where do you find a quadriplegic dog?

"Right where you left him."
What do you do with a dog with no legs?

You take him for a drag.
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Old 06-15-2012, 05:27 PM   #170 (permalink)
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Bobby was a bright kid, with a great future. He thought it was a wise idea on his prom night, to do 120 mph in his dads corvette while getting a bj. Thirty five years later, at his daughters wedding in the Bahamas, he died of a massive stroke. While she was taking her vows, he up and threw up all over the place, fell to the ground, and twitched like a fish out of water.

It was most definitely a memorable day for all that attended
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Old 06-15-2012, 06:22 PM   #171 (permalink)
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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?





"Where's my tractor?"
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Old 06-15-2012, 08:18 PM   #172 (permalink)
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why was the man scared of the old asian woman driver?

she had a gun
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Old 06-20-2012, 12:29 AM   #173 (permalink)
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how do you lose 20 lbs. without being on a diet?

Cut your head off
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Old 08-26-2012, 10:17 PM   #174 (permalink)
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why couldn't the blind guy play hockey?

he was black
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Old 12-08-2012, 08:16 PM   #175 (permalink)
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What kind of pizza topples over after someone pushes it?

Dominoes
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