Blowout Cards Forums

Go Back   Blowout Cards Forums > COMMUNITY > Off Topic

Off Topic This section may contain threads that are NSFW. This section is given a bit of leeway on some of the rules and so you may see some mild language and even some risqué images. Please no threads about race, religion, politics, or sexual orientation. Please no self promotion, sign up, or fundraising threads.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-19-2012, 10:34 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NEPA
Posts: 1,594
Default Pregnancy

I don't really talk much, or open up. This is a bit hard to do. I recently married my girlfriend of 8 years. So we think of living the "American Dream," buy a house, have some kids, etc.
She gets pregnant. Awesome!!! Pregnancy get difficult. She quits her job. Miscarries.
OK people we talk to say sometimes that happens. So we see specialists, and even with insurance, the doctor bills pile up. Other bills pile up. Sandy hits. Savings is gone. What to do? She's pregnant again. Nothing matter now. I'll struggle for 9 months, I don't care.
Same thing. Pregnancy gets difficult and eventually miscarries. I'm trying to be supportive but she's got this wall up. She lives day to day life but that sparkle in her eyes is gone. I try to make her laugh, but even when she does, it's not as easy as it used to be.
Now today, here we are. No home, no savings, and a bunch a doctor bills(about 30%) still left.
Don't really know what to do. Do we try again? Any other options?
Just looking to vent and hoping to hear some similar experiences from members and hopefully with happy endings. Please share those happy endings and give me and my wife something to look forward to.
Thanks for listening.

Last edited by ILikeThatCard; 11-19-2012 at 10:46 PM.
ILikeThatCard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 10:38 PM   #2 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Empire State✈
Posts: 5,685
Send a message via Skype™ to Strasburg
Default

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, i have nothing to share with you, as i am only 15 and i would be a "baby-daddy" if i knew more than i should about pregnancy.

But in all seriousness, good luck and i hope everything works out for you.
Strasburg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 10:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
ilovethelakings's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: North Mexico
Posts: 14,974
Default

How does your wife feel about adopting a kid?
__________________
Looking for A&G sized minis and Topps Olympic relics, pins, etc. for my daughter and refractors for my son
Personal GU's Favs: Kings, Angels, Broncos, Packers, Steelers, international teams
Don't drink and break. It's the law.
ilovethelakings is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 10:42 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Savannah, GA
Posts: 3,102
Default

Have you prayed? How is yalls relationship with God? It makes and made a difference in my wife and my hope and moral when we were trying. We had difficulties also at first. I would keep trying. Any sparkle she has lost will return but if you guys quit trying you will have nothing but regret.

inb4trolls
__________________
Anderdale
Anderdale is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 10:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
iBLeeDBaTTLeReD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 6,572
Default

Sorry to hear about your misfortunes, honestly I would say DO NOT try again until you're back on your feet and SHE is ready. My wife has a friend that also had difficulties and after the 2nd miscarriage she ended up pregnant again but unplanned and although it was a high risk pregnancy the whole way through she made it and had a beautiful baby girl. Not even a year later she got pregnant again and now they have 2 girls. Just keep the faith and if it's meant for you to have children it will happen, if not then be thankful for the healthy lives you and your wife are living and live life to the fullest. Wish you and your wife the best!
__________________
TEXANS PC FOR SALE. PM ME FOR DETAILS. LOWBALLERS AND FLIPPERS STAY AWAY, THIS IS NOT A FIRESALE
iBLeeDBaTTLeReD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 10:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NEPA
Posts: 1,594
Default

We talked about going that route. But she really wants to have a baby. No disrespect to women but I think it's a woman thing. She just wants to be able to do what women do.
ILikeThatCard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 10:44 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NEPA
Posts: 1,594
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anderdale View Post
Have you prayed? How is yalls relationship with God? It makes and made a difference in my wife and my hope and moral when we were trying. We had difficulties also at first. I would keep trying. Any sparkle she has lost will return but if you guys quit trying you will have nothing but regret.

inb4trolls
I pray everyday.
ILikeThatCard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 10:45 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NEPA
Posts: 1,594
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by iBLeeDBaTTLeReD View Post
Sorry to hear about your misfortunes, honestly I would say DO NOT try again until you're back on your feet and SHE is ready. My wife has a friend that also had difficulties and after the 2nd miscarriage she ended up pregnant again but unplanned and although it was a high risk pregnancy the whole way through she made it and had a beautiful baby girl. Not even a year later she got pregnant again and now they have 2 girls. Just keep the faith and if it's meant for you to have children it will happen, if not then be thankful for the healthy lives you and your wife are living and live life to the fullest. Wish you and your wife the best!
Thanks for this. Really need to hear stories like this.
ILikeThatCard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 10:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Savannah, GA
Posts: 3,102
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ILikeThatCard View Post
I pray everyday.
I agree with Ibleed, maybe take a break and then try again when you are in a better place financially. I hope all the best for you and will make sure to pray for you.
__________________
Anderdale
Anderdale is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 10:57 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
nephinfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 5,867
Default

I'm sorry to hear about your losses. Your wife is grieving and simply needs patience, love, and support. She will get that sparkle back. It just takes time.
My wife works with a man whose wife was pregnant 7 times...and miscarried 7 times. They had no trouble getting pregnant - just staying pregnant. They ended up working with a high risk pregnancy specialist, put her on a series of medications, and now their son is about to turn 1. Don't give up hope, but give each other space to heal until you are ready to try again. Good luck. My wife and I will keep you both in our prayers.
__________________
"When I began playing the game, baseball was about as gentlemanly as a kick in the crotch." ---Ty Cobb
nephinfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 11:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
cruiserdaddy7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,902
Default

I can relate aside from the Hurricane.

My wife and I had our daughter in 08. We wanted another child and began trying shortly after. My wife miscarried after 18 weeks as she walked into work. Fast forward a year and we are finally pregnant again. 22 weeks in and yet again we lose a baby. Nothing can prepare you, and nothing makes it better. Its still there today. I can tell you we both spent our nights reading the bible 10-15 minutes after the second loss. We prayed on it repeatedly. 10-22-12 our daughter Madeline Grace was born. I cant understand why we had to go through so much to have this child but we had to trust it would work out and that all things happen for a reason. I watched helplessly as my wife sobbed and blamed herself for our failures. Its tough and I can only advise you to listen listen listen. Reassure her that it will work out and it eventually will, whatever is supposed to happen will. I wish you both the best and I hope you both stay strong. The joy we feel now will never erase the pain but it certainly makes this little girl something quite special. Best wishes to you both.
cruiserdaddy7 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 11:15 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Hyde Park, NY
Posts: 183
Default

My wife and I miscarried twice. We first had our two boys, miscarried twice, and then our baby girl was born. We had identical twins for one of the miscarriages too. How far along in the pregnancy was your wife? No doctor can give you a reason for why miscarriages occur but they are very common which my wife and I found out after our first miscarriage.

Are there any issues with your wife's reproductive system? Has your wife's doctor mentioned invitro? As far as your wife goes you need to just be there for her and that is all you can do. There is a connection between women and their fetus that us men will never understand but give your wife some time and just be there for her. I wish you and your wife the best of luck.
Jbjints is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 11:20 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
pjnjjsdad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Pueblo, CO
Posts: 3,515
Default

Keep your head up man.

We miscarried back in December, and then again the 31st of October.

We are going to a support group monthly, also, not even joking, but Zoloft is an amazing drug.

It helps to have people to be able to talk to, not just for her, but you too.
I know there's a few of us on here that have gone through the same thing, and it helps to know you're not alone.

If you need to talk man, shoot me a PM anytime.
__________________
http://s700.photobucket.com/user/pjnjjsdad/library/?sort=6&page=1
Collecting Tennessee Titans and Tom Brandstater
@HUSLSCAC on Twitter!
pjnjjsdad is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 11:37 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
stumpfreeman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 2,643
Default

Was years ago, but my wife did miscarry twice before we had our son. It happened very early in the pregnancies though. We just looked at it as natures way of saying that something was not right with the pregnancy. My wife was very eager to become pregnant when we first decided to try, but after 2 miscarriages I convinced her to relax and that we should take our time and not try so hard. 3rd time was a charm. My wife was on birth control for a pretty long period before we decided to try, but I don't know if that had anything to do with it. I think the best thing is to just be supportive and talk about what is happening and how you both feel about it, which is harder than it sounds, but I think it helps. It's defianately harder for the woman than the man. Your wife may still be in mourning over the loss which is why she doesn't feel like laughing as much. I'm no psychiatrist, just some insight from what we went through.
__________________
Check out my photobucket by clicking on my homepage in the drop down list under my username. Looking for any Twins cards I don't have, and Mickey Mantle refractors that I don't have. I will trade for bait, on occasion. 2011 Topps Chrome auto set completed!!
stumpfreeman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-19-2012, 11:40 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
TrueNE_09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 14,075
Default

Here is my story - two parts reality, one part hope.

The year is '77. My parents are marrried now, want a baby. Get pregnant, miscarry. Get pregnant again. Miscarry. Get pregnant again. You guessed it.

Then comes '79 and your boy TrueNE_09 makes it out alive. Parents say hell, he came out so perfect () we should try it again. From that point on they couldn't even get pregnant...forgot even having a miscarriage.

My point is, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That's the truth. If it is meant to be it is meant to be.

Do what you can, but do it responsibly (in terms of managing those bills, etc) and support your wife. Those events are probably (from what I've learned and call tell) the hardest thing a women can ever go through it. Even once, but not to mention over and over again. Be there for her, and know that she will get sad, depressed, etc. That is natural.

If in the end it just doesn't work, accept it and think of another constructive way you can be role models/parents/etc. Adoption, being great uncles/aunts, etc.

Best of luck man - we are here for you, no doubt about that.
__________________
Looking to beef up my Xander Bogaerts PC! Looking for autos, patches, etc.
No BGS slabs, please.
2014 Topps Chrome is a particular focus.
Thanks
TrueNE_09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 12:17 PM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NEPA
Posts: 1,594
Default

Thanks everyone for the kind words. Although going through unfortunate times, I've been blessed. I've received a lot of help from my parents. Missing a 0 in my savings but it's better than being in the negative. And hopefully this is bottom.
Thank you again everyone. Really, thank you guys. Can't thank you guys enough.
ILikeThatCard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 12:22 PM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
nera20's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 14,834
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ILikeThatCard View Post
I don't really talk much, or open up. This is a bit hard to do. I recently married my girlfriend of 8 years. So we think of living the "American Dream," buy a house, have some kids, etc.
She gets pregnant. Awesome!!! Pregnancy get difficult. She quits her job. Miscarries.
OK people we talk to say sometimes that happens. So we see specialists, and even with insurance, the doctor bills pile up. Other bills pile up. Sandy hits. Savings is gone. What to do? She's pregnant again. Nothing matter now. I'll struggle for 9 months, I don't care.
Same thing. Pregnancy gets difficult and eventually miscarries. I'm trying to be supportive but she's got this wall up. She lives day to day life but that sparkle in her eyes is gone. I try to make her laugh, but even when she does, it's not as easy as it used to be.
Now today, here we are. No home, no savings, and a bunch a doctor bills(about 30%) still left.
Don't really know what to do. Do we try again? Any other options?
Just looking to vent and hoping to hear some similar experiences from members and hopefully with happy endings. Please share those happy endings and give me and my wife something to look forward to.
Thanks for listening.

Just be very supportive of her she is going to need alot of it. Very sorry to hear your difficult times, hopefully it gets better for you and prayers are being sent your ways.
__________________
http://s1064.photobucket.com/albums/u380/mike11681/
I don't ship outside the USA.
nera20 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 01:53 PM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NEPA
Posts: 1,594
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nera20 View Post
Just be very supportive of her she is going to need alot of it. Very sorry to hear your difficult times, hopefully it gets better for you and prayers are being sent your ways.
Thank you. I wish she had this hobby and you guys too. Trading, buying, selling, debating, arguing. The things we do on this board takes your mind off things.

Last edited by ILikeThatCard; 11-20-2012 at 01:55 PM.
ILikeThatCard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 01:57 PM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
TrueNE_09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 14,075
Default

Hell man - get her involved! Is she a fan of sports? If so, the wax addiction is an easy one to start...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ILikeThatCard View Post
Thank you. I wish she had this hobby and you guys too. Trading, buying, selling, debating, arguing. The things we do on this board takes your mind off things.
__________________
Looking to beef up my Xander Bogaerts PC! Looking for autos, patches, etc.
No BGS slabs, please.
2014 Topps Chrome is a particular focus.
Thanks
TrueNE_09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 02:01 PM   #20 (permalink)
Approved Group Break Host
 
jlzinck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Cape Cod, MA
Posts: 18,597
Default

Find her a support group of people who have gone through the same thing.
My mother in law could not have children and she is an awesome mother (Long Story).
There are plenty of children already born who need a person or people to love them.
__________________
Thin skinned megalomaniacs shouldn't post on message boards.

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/jon-s-box-breaks-and-more
jlzinck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 02:11 PM   #21 (permalink)
Member
 
avjp87's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 11,015
Send a message via AIM to avjp87
Default

as stated above me, a support group will do wonders, even talking on the phone with another women that went through the same issue will help. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago. She started to look online for support groups and other people to talk to that are in the same situation. Her outlook and attitude on everything made a complete 180. She's now apart of a support group where other women can call her and just talk about it all. Never underestimate talking and such.

If yah need some help looking around for such help, shoot me a PM. I'll be more then happy to help if I can. We're all praying for you and your wife
__________________
Ray27Ray52:
"53% constitutes a majority? Good to know."
avjp87 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 10:37 PM   #22 (permalink)
Member
 
JosieD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 4,109
Default

Like others said, I would give it some time. I know how hard it is to wait especially if you really want a baby. My husband and I were going to start trying in September of 2007 but I was diagnosed with cancer in July of 2007. I started chemo before my oncologist even mentioned that we should bank my eggs because infertility was very possible. In his defense, my situation was very drastic because of how large my tumor was. I came to the conclusion that even if we had to adopt they would be our children and I would love them like I was their biological mother. We got very fortunate and were able to conceive without a problem. I went through a phase though were it was very hard to see my friends with their children or to hear of others pregnancies. It took some time to realize that my dreams were on hold and find the right balance to be happy for others.

I hope your wife gets her sparkle back. I like the support group idea that others have mentioned. It will do her wonders and you as well. One on one or couples counseling would also probably be helpful. If she wants to talk with me, please PM me and I'll give you my e-mail address. I could just be a listening ear. I am also a live in the moment type person. My husband said it makes me take things twice as hard because I completely absorb the feelings where as most people take a long time to process them as time goes on. Your wife is probably the same way.

I wish you both the best and I hope one day you can experience the joy of being parents.
__________________
Leukemia and Lymphoma Society; #TEAMCONNOR, Mental Health Awareness, St. Jude's Children's Hospital
"A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour." ~Author Unknown
JosieD is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 10:53 PM   #23 (permalink)
Member
 
btimm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Huntersville, NC
Posts: 1,773
Default

I don't have any stories myself, but a woman I work with had 4 miscarriages. I can't even big to comprehend what she - and you and your wife - are going through / went through. However, she does have two boys now and she was older when she did have those two kids (late 30s). There is definitely hope, but I think the first priority would be to support your wife in any way possible (which I am sure you are already doing). TALK. It helps to know that others share this pain and that can help ease it.
btimm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 11:12 PM   #24 (permalink)
Member
 
gergs1134's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 1,987
Default

I have been down your road and feel your frustration. What you wrote was basically what we went through in a nutshell. My wife has had 6 miscarriages dating back 10 years and after seeing numerous doctors and having numerous tests they ultimately told her that she was going through early menopause. We looked at all our options and eventually decided that adoption was what we wanted. We were eventually paired with a birthmother and our daughter was born nearly 2 years ago. We had our fair share of problems with the adoption process as well, but that is a long, drawn out story.

As for the happy ending part, I have a beautiful, healthy 2 year old roaming the house every day and have learned that being a mom or a dad is definitely not about biology. You are no less a man or your wife less a woman because of this. Time will heal all wounds and when she is ready, be there to support her and be informed. This is the best advice I can give.
gergs1134 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-20-2012, 11:47 PM   #25 (permalink)
Member
 
DadofTwins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hartland Wi
Posts: 1,881
Default

I wish the best of luck to you. here's the little bit I can add, with some similar to other posts.

My wife and I had to do invitro. We got lucky in that at the time I had great insurance and it almost covered the "first try". We got lucky and had twin boys whom, other than being born a bit premature and what seemed like weekly ear infections have been healthy ever since. But it wasn't an easy process, this was back in the day where I had to give my wife a needle in the ass for 30 straight days to help with the process and I am very scared of needles. We did what we had to do and pulled through the process. We stayed positive everyday even with the huge bruise on her ass and all the pain she went thru with the invitro let alone the birth.

I don't think there is anything YOU can do for your wife other than help her seek outside help from a professional without being pushy, and help her find a distraction that will also help the healing process. If its a together thing even better.

Ever since the birth, my wife and I have always put the kids first and it hasn't gotten us in the best of financial situations. Even when things are going well, bills happen. Be thankful and be positive you have someone to go through it with, and always communicate.
__________________
checkoutmycards.com/Users/exposfan1998

PS Forget Strasburg... Jordan Zimmermann is the Next Big thing in DC in 2009 and Beyond!
DadofTwins is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:34 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO
Copyright © 2013, Blowout Cards Inc.